COME RAIN, COME SLEET, BUT, NO MORE YUMMY TREATS
Woof, kids!
Well, I knew, I just KNEW it.Those darned dogs from the "burbs have been on the take behind our backs, for twenty years! Extorting treats from their trusty mail carriers, Monday through Saturday, that is. Evidently the slogan goes...come rain, come snow (well, not here in Tampa so much, maybe hurricane) come yummy dog treats for the furry four-legged, guys and gals residing in the backyards of America.
For years, my canine brothers and sisters have been scamming the government out of treats. Here's how it goes down. The furies bark and growl and intimidate the mail carrier, demanding a payoff...treats. Treat me or you "sleep with the fishes"...okay, that's a little drastic. Maybe it was more like hand over the treat or I will snarl, bark, or worse.
So, let me get this straight. All these months all I had to do was park it in the lobby, say, around noon, and wait for the mail carrier to make an appearance in the lobby. In they come with their overflowing satchel...my cue to, well, express myself...complete with barking, howling, jumping and, basically, going absolutely nuts. Payoff? The mail person gives me treats, I go my way, they go their way and all is right with the universe.
Amazing that I have completely missed out on this scam. Wonder 'bout the rest of the packs in the building? I've never actually seen any of them hangin 'round the mail carrier going crazy, but then again who's to say what the heck goes on behind my back. Come to think of it, there are a few I suspect are totally capable of doing just this very thing.
Mostly, I'm way too laid-back to take up a cause, but I have to tell you that my tail isn't wagging and I'm pounding paws over this. Yep. I have just come to the realization that all of us UD's (Urban Dogs) have been completely disrespected and ignored for over twenty years (not me personally, as I just burst onto the scene a year ago). Shocking that we've received this treatment by our own trusted government. Shocking.
I call it...FAVORITISM FOR THE FURRY IN THE FAR-FLUNG NEIGHBORHOODS. What an outrage!
Guess it's been a cozy little arrangement between the two, but the jig is up and now it's every mutt and mail carrier for themselves. Yup, it is so OVAH. Dunzo. Kaput, to be succinct. USPS, has cracked down and after twenty years of looking the other way, they have decreed that no postal carrier may dispense treats. Period. No exceptions.
Man, I thought this building was major drama, with all the sniffing and barking and whining going on, day and night. Now, it seems those soccer, little league, dance class, mini-van riding dogs are all in a snit. Boo-hoo and tough. Hey, they get no sympathy from this urban-dwelling K-9. Zero.
So, let the snapping, growling and biting begin. Here in urban-land, I'll just try to corral a few of my mates and we will see ya by all those tiny boxes in the lobby and just HOPE that the mail carrier tries to make amends.
We'll be waiting and we expect to see, no less than, twenty years of treats come flying at us.
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